Getting a line on real mind-altering conspiracy theories from Newsweek is like watching a sitcom to discover what the kids are listening to these days. Won’t happen.

That is why (speaking of what the kids are listening to) you need to go here, to see what is really going on. And read about the Denver airport if you want to get the willies.

And equal time:

And a bonus clip from across the pond;

Make it stop. . .

via here, here & here

Hi all,

If you have the time or the inclination…might I prevail upon you for a small favor?
Would you please click on the link that I’ve inserted…go over to Amazon.com and just click YES under… the helpful reviews left by amazon reviewers, Harriet Klausner, C. Roberts and Tammie King (these are wonderful ladies who first gave me a chance when I started writing about thirteen years ago and I cannot thank them enough). [What is with this woman and ellipses? I thought I had an ellipsis problem, but three random ellipses in the same paragraph? And since when do reviewers "give you a chance?" That's the sort of acknowledgment one usually gives the people who buy your book.]

These lovely reviewers left very kind remarks but were undercut by two individuals who are known as hit-and-run reviewers (reviewers calling themselves BBB and LB Taylor). [So not only do negative reviews reflect badly on the book, they are undercutting poor Harriet Klausner. Coming soon, Amazon reviewer cage matches.] These two people repeatedly give very poor rankings on books; they’ve done this many, many times. [A guy in the comment thread actually did an analysis of LB Taylor and the rankings of those reviews fall on a pretty nice (and flat) bell curve.]

If the authors take issue with their reviews, they insult the authors in a public forum and get on the internet and troll for anyone who’ll support their bad review of that book….. [Yay! Bonus ellipses.] AND their bad opinion of the author. [You know, my opinion of the author has nothing to do with the review, or the reviewer.] Now…they have the right to hate any book they want, but then they try to shut the defending authors up [Except the people goading you on for the entertainment value. After you did shut up, there was a vague feeling of disappointment in the air.] when they question the reviewer about the comments. If you read the comments they’ve left, they admit to having done this. [Meaning a few people told her she was making herself look to be an idiot.]

In my case, this is what happened: [Now we repeat ourselves for emphasis, like all caps but more wordy and author-like.]

Rather than stay on the comment section of their reviews and talk to me like adults about the poor reviews they left [So someone telling you that they really for true thought your book sucked ass would have made this all go so much better?], BBB and LB Taylor went on a blog where they got commiserating infants to get on the book’s sales page (on amazon) and insult me. [You know, when an author goes batshit on Amazon, word does get around.] Both reviewers then disappeared entirely and let their blogging friends (people who’d never read my book at all) come after me, like the cowards they are. [i.e. The reviewers had some class and didn't want to be involved in an author implosion.] One of their blogosphere friends even called me ‘insane’ [Gee, I can't think why.] and left that comment on my book’s sales page. (under LB Taylor’s review comment section) All because I disagreed with a review. [You know, I'd like to think most authors don't believe their work sucks, so it stands to reason that the vast majority of them don't "agree" with one-star reviews. But the only author I've ever known to engage a negative review and not have it end up a train-wreck is John Ringo.]

Well …I’ll let ‘you’ be the judge of whether I’m nuts or not. [Why the ellipsis? Why the scare quotes on a pronoun? Your grammar scares me.]

If you have the time and would, please just go to the kinder reviewers comment section….under their reviews click on the ‘YES” button for those reviews having been helpful. [Because when authors ask their fans to game the system on Amazon, it never goes badly.] This will bump the nicer reviews ahead of the bad reviews and maybe the nastiness will stop. [Because this is why that comment thread is closing on 40 pages long, the good reviews aren't ranked highly enough. Right.] I’ll ask you not to involve yourself in the comments section of LB TAYLOR’s review unless you want to get sniped as well. These aren’t tolerant people; they’ll attack anyone who takes issue [By "taking issue," we mean going on a vindictive sociopathic whine fest over dozens of comments while insulting everyone in the room.] with those two poor reviews…in their minds, it seems this isn’t America…they can have an opinion, no one else better have one that’s contrary [Saying your postings are shit Twinkies around a creamy center of fail is not infringing on your freedom of speech. The first amendment does not give you a right not to be perceived as a complete loon.]. To end this little request, I want you to know that I’ve received poor reviews before…this isn’t what this was really about.[ORLY?] I just wanted to know why LB Taylor and BBB, whoever they are, left such vitriolic reviews about my book.[They probably, just guessing, thought the book sucked. People are allowed to, you know. That freedom of opinion thing you said folks are allowed to have.] JEEZ LOUIS folks…it’s just a darn romance novel[That's taking pride in your work there.]….and to make this clear…these same two people have done this same thing to authors Christine Feehan, Linda Lael Miller and others who are much more famous than I. I just commented on why they’d want to leave such a bad review when it might have been written more tactfully….they fled the site and let their amazon blog minions come after me.[Why can't I hold a private one-on-one conversation on a public forum on the internet without all these unrelated assholes coming by?]

Once again, if you can take a moment, just go click on the kinder commenters reviews…[Yeah, didn't get that the first time.]saying that those reviews were more helpful. Just click the word “YES” under the nicer reviews that were given.[Gee, this is complicated.] Again, this puts the poorer reviews on another page where they aren’t seen right off by any perspective buyers. [Because the flame war was being fed solely by people on Amazon randomly browsing her book, and has nothing to do with postings on Twitter, Facebook, and various blogs.] Readers can still read the bad reviews, it’s just that they won’t be the first ones under the book’s sales buttons. I will do the same thing for any author who is ‘hit’ by reviewers LB Taylor and someone anonymously calling him/herself BBB. [I'm glad to see that this is purely altruistic gaming of Amazon.]

See…it’s so easy to get on the ‘net and say whatever you want to about someone. [Yeah, and it gets me free blog content, whee.] Not so easy when that someone catches up with you.[Especially when that someone is yourself.] LB Taylor and BBB got scared when I commented on their reviews…[I'm scared by your ellipses]they ran but not before they got some infantile children[This is a writer folks. But, maybe repetition is a motif. Perhaps that explains the ellipses.] to haunt my book’s sales page with a vengeance, stalking me all over the internet. [So your book's sales page is all over the internet? I want your publicist.] Perhaps, if they see that others don’t like their behavior, they’ll go into hiding again…until they find the next unfortunate author [i.e. next batshit crazy author with a thin skin and a persecution complex.]. This happens all the time, folks. You know these cowardly types…this is how they operate. They want to say anything about anyone they please…if you call them out on their behavior…their worlds fall apart[Project much?]; they can’t take the challenge to their opinion. I’m no psychologist but I happen to think that these are some sick, sick people.[I've said it before; Pot. Kettle.] I wonder if they’d pick up a stick or some weapon and come after someone who challenges their opinion or authority if the challenge ever came in person. [This is full of more unjustified hyperbole and fear-mongering than Nancy Pelosi at a NRA fundraiser.]

Many kind thanks and hopefully there are others out there who’re not so scroogish this season ….
Candace S.

Candace Sams, author of Electra Galaxy’s Mr. Interstellar Feller (mass-market paperback, Dorchester/Love Spell), has exploded all over a comment thread on Amazon. She’s posting as Niteflyr One, but the comment thread has her ID’d as the author as of comment #8.

Head’s up, newbie writers, it is a bad idea to comment on reviews of your work.  It’s a really bad idea to start a flame war over your work.  The following is on page #2 of 26(!) pages of comments:

NOTE TO READERS: authors leave themselves open for attack by having their work posted for sale…they hope that if there’s anything engaging about the books, someone might say so. They hope that if others don’t like the books, they will find a more tactful, professional and mature way to express themselves. They (the authors) hope that so-called reviewers (often shameful people who abuse the power Amazon provides) will not directly try to keep the author from making a living.

That is only a short little segment of a tirade where our author decides to rant and insult her audience.  Always a smooth move.  You know, if you are this insecure and thin skinned, maybe you should find another line of work.  But, as I said, page #2. Hasn’t slowed down a bit by #4:

Because, that’s the way the business works in some New York venues. Only the highest paid authors won’t have their manuscripts ripped apart by some editors. As to my bad author behavior…I’m getting a lot of email telling me to stand my ground…from people who ARE buying my books.

Lady, an editor “ripping apart” your manuscript is a sign you have a sucktastic editor.  And, if your fans told you to jump off a bridge. . .

And this is yet another tactic of those who won’t let the author have an opinion.

You’re allowed to have opinions, and guess what? No one has to like them.

Maybe posters – like you – who don’t like negative feedback from authors should consider your words?

I decline the obvious cheap shot and just say, Ms. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.
Skip to Page #6:

And I’ll repeat this whether any of you like hearing it or not….authors have a right to defend themselves. I’m not sure why any of you think I’d care what you thought at this or any point. Anyone who’d crawl over here, getting into a conversation that ’should’ have stayed between me and the original author of the review is just trolling for publicity.

Um, everyone has a right to defend themselves. Everyone has the right to make a fool of themselves. And everyone has a right to mock the foolish. And I am sure everyone is trolling Amazon comment threads of midlist romance titles just looking for that elusive internet buzz that will make them a name for themselves. (Cripes, what universe does that even make sense in?)

Again….I cannot make this clear enough…surely someone on this list speaks English and can translate for the rest of you…I don’t care if you buy one of my titles. Some of you are authors looking for some free publicity, that’s why you’re over here – shooting with whatever side you feel is the one that’s winning. This is an old, old marketing ploy. I’m not hearing anything negative from any of ‘my’ readers….just those trolling for some attention.

Note, this person is crying about attention whores when she herself has posted almost half the comments so far. Also, she’s the only author getting publicity out of this, by this point in the thread, people have mentioned links coming from Dear Author, e-mail lists, and other industry websites. It is a very popular trainwreck. A veritable meme.

Skip ahead to page #10, and she still hasn’t got it.

Again…I’m supposed to be the crazy one? Look how many are haunting this site just to tell me how sincerely insane I am. What about me threatens you all that you have to move in en masse?

I don’t care if this is a train wreck, car wreck or a full-out gutting. I stand by my right to say what I please. That you would shut up isn’t my problem. I’m not you and that’s the entire point. People don’t have to respond the way you think they should; the way you think is appropriate.

Kind of sad by now.

Page #11

I don’t want your kind of business. There are millions and millions of readers out there who couldn’t give a fig’s difference about this entire conversation. There are probably only fifty people on this post site who canNOT believe I’d do something so incredulous as simply stand up for my right to question a reviewer. How flaming dare I? Who am I after all? What gives me the absolute, unmitigated gall to confront a reviewer?

We don’t need no steenking logic. Of course people are trolling for publicity on a comment thread no one cares about. And to hazard an answer to the rhetorical question: A deep-seated insecurity, a lack of self-awareness, denial deep and wide enough to flood all of Egypt, a pathological need to get the last word, and an inability to admit you might have made a mistake. Am I close?

And, as you can CLEARLY see….others ARE linking the posters over here. And where a carcass has been presented…maggots will be found.

Obviously she’s working overtime to compensate for the damage of a one-star Amazon review.

As to my editor…only the office staff under him is answering the phone. He hasn’t been heard from in many, many months

Like I said, craptastic editor.

Page #12

there’s one more illiterate person I won’t have to send a hooked-on-phonics primer.

By Page #15 we have the threat of law-enforcement action.

A post was sent that involved a threat.
When I was made aware the facts and what happened and how the law reads, I told Amazon.com about the matter – I was on the phone with them very early this morning. They’ve been sent an email bearing a copy of the message in question. An investigative agency in charge of cyber stalking was also contacted…not by Amazon but by me! They also have a copy of the message. I’m told that a felony ‘might’ have been committed. If that was the case I WILL file charges against the person who made that threat, as a witness to it.

By page #17

Okay guys…I’ve just downloaded all the comments made on this site as per the FBI’s instructions…I don’t care if you believe it or not. The threat wasn’t made on this site…please read what I wrote…it was sent elsewhere. And I don’t care if you believe that, either.

Followed up by a desperate Hail Mary play to make the bleeding stop:

If you’re posting,your names are on a Federal report leading up to a threat that was made against me. The Feds wanted to know who everyone was…IC3 stands for Internet Crime. And I don’t care, once again, if you believe a single word I say…no skin off my back…that’s just how crazy I really am.

At which point she’s jumped a shark of cosmic proportions when Neil Gaiman (yes, that Neil Gaiman) twitters about her assclownish performance.  Followed by Patrick Nielsen Hayden (yes that Patrick Nielsen Hayden) leaving comments on her thread of epic fail.

At this point, it seems to have sunk in.  Her last documented appearance:

Oh…since I’m a cop…I doubt it…but whatever helps you get through the day.

Complete and utter meltdown.

And people wonder why I’m Libertarian.

You know, at some point it seems they just stopped trying.

Even when the bastard pleads guilty.

In the case of Roman Polanski, there’s no question of the facts. He drugged a 13 year old girl and anally raped her over her protests. When everyone says Polanski is fleeing a statutory rape charge, it its because that’s what he plead guilty to in very favorable plea bargain. Then, when it seemed that the Judge wouldn’t accept the plea bargain, he fled the country.

But, in the eyes of a lot of celebrities, Polanski deserves special treatment, and are actually appalled that he may now be extradited as if he was (gasp) some sort of fugitive rapist. That fact alone is stomach-churning.

But I have a special asshat right here for Whoopi Goldberg:

It wasn’t rape-rape.

The woman actually said that.

It wasn’t rape-rape.  Whoopi?  Rape-rape?  You talk about not having the facts, here are some facts for you.  The victim may have forgiven the guy (and can you blame her for wanting to get on with her life?) but she’s never recanted, and the facts of her testimony were never in dispute.  The assertion that this was not really rape is appalling, and exposes a moral ugliness in celebrity culture that, in this particular case, has crossed the line into evil.

Oh yeah, you’re right, other countries do see rape of 13-year-olds differently than us, if by “us” you mean the little celebutard bubble you live in.  These asshats are the public face of America folks, which is why electing Obama didn’t stop anyone from wanting to bomb the crap out of us.

UPDATE: OMG WTF? From the LA Times, these words actually left the mouth of an actual real person:

In an interview, Weinstein said that people generally misunderstand what happened to Polanski at sentencing. He’s not convinced public opinion is running against the filmmaker and dismisses the categorization of Hollywood as amoral. “Hollywood has the best moral compass, because it has compassion,” Weinstein said. “We were the people who did the fundraising telethon for the victims of 9/11. We were there for the victims of Katrina and any world catastrophe.”

Well slap me with JLo’s adopted baby and call me Bono, of course they can absolve Polanski, because they’re so much more compassionate than anyone else.  The sad thing is, the fucktards really believe that.

For instance, a series of “let’s put random crap in a microwave and see what happens?”

Then there’re Lovcraftian talk shows:

And the Sith Lords of the supermarket.

Then there’s my favorite rabid squirrel (NSFW audio)

]]> http://www.sandrewswann.com/blog/2009/09/sometimes-jon-stewart-just-says-it-better.html/feed 0 http://www.sandrewswann.com/blog/2009/09/and-now-dancing-action-figures.html http://www.sandrewswann.com/blog/2009/09/and-now-dancing-action-figures.html#comments Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:00:20 +0000 S Andrew Swann http://www.sandrewswann.com/?p=1884 Because, why not? (Optimus from here).