Idiot Authors (or, just because you’re published doesn’t mean you’re not a douche)

UPDATE: (3/31/2011) Fixed a typo someone pointed out on Reddit.

I’ve written enough about authors that have shown very public displays of ill judgment that it seemed to be almost mandatory that I talk about Mr. Patrick Roscoe (his name is not a link because you absolutely must hear the story before landing on his site.)  This is especially true because my list of authorial asshats seems to be overwhelmingly female, and we do need some gender balance.

So what did Mr. Roscoe do?  Well, he sent the following to literary agent Colleen Lindsay,  to whom he queried for representation. (Unsuccessfully, natch.)

Colleen Lindsay:

Thank you for making it clear, through your response to my query, that you are unquipped (sic) to represent fiction writers who are working at the very highest level today.

Best of luck with your list of minor writers, third-rate writers, irrelevant writers, non-writers.

You lose, silly woman.

Patrick Roscoe

Wow. I am sort of in awe of this letter. Here we combine, in only three sentences, a pure distillate of unprofessionalism, arrogance, misogyny, and complete absence of self-awareness.  I mean, you got to love the fact that he ranks himself among “fiction writers who are working at the very highest level today,” and yet has to look for representation from someone specializing in representing a “list of minor writers, third-rate writers, irrelevant writers, non-writers.” You just got to love that. And you really got to love the typo in the sentence establishing his literary street cred.

Ok, you’re probably thinking as I did, upon reading the post on Colleen Lindsay’s blog, that we’re just looking at newbie writer syndrome.  After all, you don’t expect this kind of behavior from writers who’ve actually published something.  This is only logical, since this kind of behavior is quite possibly the best way to prevent being published, short of not writing anything.

But, oh dear, Teresa at Making Light lets us all know that this guy, in fact, has been writing quite a while.

And, yes, he has a website whose ironic pretentiousness you are now primed to appreciate.  (And I will draw your attention to his expression on the borderline NSFW author pic.  If not for the absence of a bobbing head I would have pegged the shot as having been taken mid-fellation, but I guess he’s only stroking his ego.)

8 Replies to “Idiot Authors (or, just because you’re published doesn’t mean you’re not a douche)”

  1. I would like to say that you are indeed quite the hypocrite, sir. On Reddit your article has been reviewed, and while many on the forum would agree with what you wrote and nearly cheer you on for it, I feel that you are only a couple of inches taller than the troll you seemingly think you dwarf. I could go on here, but since I’ve taken the time to pick apart your diatribe on Reddit itself, I’m going to ask that you not be the laziest person in this hemisphere and click your way over to

    Good day, sir.

  2. Dear Danstermeister, I’ve read your rant on Reddit.

    I’m glad you got that out of your system. Allowing that level of snark to build up might have caused a major organ to pop. I must admit to being impressed at how you can go on a recursive nitpicking jihad against a post you seem to think is a nitpicking jihad without so much of a whiff of irony. You have achieved an Andy Kaufman-esque level of trolldom. I applaud your meta.

  3. As I said in the reddit itself, BRING OUT THE META-TROLL.

    Of course, as far as getting one’s frustrations out of one’s system, it would appear that you’ve built this entire site for a system that will never be exhausted from flaming others (far away from any mirrors.) I think a bit of introspection, if not a proofread, before your next ‘rant’ against others might prove useful. It’s just a suggestion, however, and I realize that the entertainment on this site would evaporate the moment you applied proper writing skills when attacking others for a lack of proper writing skills. META-TROLL.

    I love how my comments are a rant (which yes, they are), and your post is an ‘informal blog post’ (comment used in reply on reddit). At what point shall we call a spade a spade?

    Remember, the difference between you and me (on this subject) is that I didn’t go and plaster this on my very own site for others to point to for humor. I’m sorry, that’s not the only difference. Another difference is that my diatribe was accurate and grammatically correct. Yours was a heaping pile of garbage, and I’m not the only one who sees it as such. Lastly, my writing was a response. Yours was a prepared ‘piece’.

    That being said, I’m sure you’re a nice guy. Please don’t take this personally. 🙂

    1. You seem to labor under a serious misapprehension that somehow I chose to pick on poor Mr. Roscoe because of his use of language. That is incorrect. I mock him because he is an unmitigated tool who pulled an asinine jerk-ass move of epic stupidity. Sort of like coming on to someone’s blog and bitching about how third parties are treating you on a thread somewhere else on the internet. Also sort of like complaining about pseudo-intellectual mockery of someone’s writing as an excuse to engage in even more self-important pseudo-intellectual mockery of someone’s writing. That, my friend, takes balls of brass and just slightly less self-awareness than Mr. Roscoe.

  4. It would seem as though I’ve ruffled your feathers. At least you’re not so much of a smug jackass now as you were in the article. I’d address your other points but you’re just flailing so I’ll let it rest. You just got to love that authorial tone you put on though. Priceless.

    1. Oh my God, don’t tell me I’m running out of smug. I’ll need to work on that. I’ll let you have the last word since you must have worked very hard on the oh-so-subtle irony of your parting shot.

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